Eviction Notice

Well, folks, I've got a squatter on my hands.

I've tried to be patient, but after careful consideration and the overriding fact that I manage the property, it's time to take action.

Dear Baby S.,

I’m so pleased you’ve enjoyed your accommodations these past 38 weeks (particularly that they continued to be to your liking the last 8 weeks), but I’m afraid this living situation isn’t going to work any longer. While I’d like to say you haven’t overstayed your welcome, this isn’t exactly the truth, and quite frankly there have been some questionable practices in your quarters of late. Advanced footwork that results in rib fracture-like feelings, ongoing bladder compressions, and the brewing of substances that burn my digestive tract has made your residency less endearing. I’m afraid you will need to vacate the premises by the morning of July 29, 2010, or you will be forcibly removed.

I’m sorry that it has come to this, and I’d hoped we’d have been able to reach a mutually beneficial agreement some time ago. To ease your transition, I’ve spent a great deal of time crafting a new living space for you. Though you may find the lack of climate control and your own swimming pool a bit disappointing, I think you’ll find the conditions to be more than suitable.

One last note, if you could please take extra care in exiting the premises it would be much appreciated. While I expect and accept that there is to be some necessary repair work to tidy up the living space, I’d ask that you leave calmly, peaceably, and quickly.

Thank you for your cooperation,

Your Mommy